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Talking to Your Doctor About Hospice

A guide to initiating the conversation, asking the right questions, and advocating for your loved one's comfort and quality of life.

Written and reviewed by a board-certified hospice & palliative medicine physician

Last reviewed:

8 min read

Having a conversation with your doctor about hospice care can feel overwhelming. You may worry about how to bring it up, what questions to ask, or whether your doctor will be supportive. The good news is that most doctors are very familiar with hospice and understand its benefits. This guide will help you prepare for that conversation and advocate effectively for your loved one.

When to Bring Up Hospice

There's no "perfect" time to discuss hospice, but certain situations make it more appropriate:

Your doctor mentions it first

If your doctor brings up hospice, they're likely seeing signs that it may be appropriate. This is often a good time to have an open discussion about what hospice offers and whether it's right for your situation.

Frequent hospitalizations or ER visits

If your loved one is being hospitalized repeatedly or visiting the emergency room often, it may indicate that current treatments aren't effectively managing symptoms. Hospice can help manage these symptoms at home.

Declining quality of life

When treatments are causing more discomfort than benefit, or when the focus shifts from curing to comfort, it's appropriate to discuss hospice as an option.

You or your loved one wants to focus on comfort

If your loved one has expressed a desire to stop aggressive treatments and focus on quality of life, or if you're feeling that way on their behalf, it's time to have the conversation.

How to Start the Conversation

Starting the conversation can feel awkward, but remember: you're advocating for your loved one's comfort and quality of life. Here are some ways to begin:

1

Be Direct and Honest

You might say: "I've been thinking about hospice care for [loved one's name]. Their quality of life seems to be declining, and I'm wondering if hospice might help them be more comfortable. What are your thoughts?"

2

Frame It Around Quality of Life

You might say: "I know we've been focused on treatment, but I'm concerned about [loved one's name] comfort and quality of life. I've heard hospice can help with that. Can we talk about whether it might be appropriate?"

3

Ask About Prognosis

You might say: "I know it's hard to predict, but what's your best estimate of [loved one's name] prognosis? I'm wondering if we should be thinking about hospice care."

4

Express Your Concerns

You might say: "I'm worried that [loved one's name] is suffering, and I want to make sure we're doing everything we can to keep them comfortable. Is hospice something we should consider?"

5

Ask About Eligibility

You might say: "Do you think [loved one's name] meets the criteria for hospice care?"

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